Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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