You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
