you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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