yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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