Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
