can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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