I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
