He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
dude. I can hear the air.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
