I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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