i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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