So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
