So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
