By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
