yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
