I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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