who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
