OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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