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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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