May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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