i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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