Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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