Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
