Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
