Moan for me like Helen Keller
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
