I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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