My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
