I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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