They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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