there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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