You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
