I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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