no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
