so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
