Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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