i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
