He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
