sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
