hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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