I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sorry about my life...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
