Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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