Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
