it wasn't lemon gatorade
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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