whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
