Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
