Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize