Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
