I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
