Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
