when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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