shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
