it hurts more in the daytime
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
