so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
