Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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