Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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