I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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