I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
