I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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