Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
