a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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