we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
