i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
