I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
