just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
