Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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