i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
