So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize