i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
