We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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