Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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