May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
