I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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